A Therapist Who Has A Therapist
Good Day Everyone!
For those that may not know, I am in my own trauma therapy myself. I’ve normally been hesitant to share that with the world, because of a multitude of thoughts:
What will my parents say when they hear about this?!
Will patients judge me or think that I am not good enough?
Will this be used against me?!
Who would want to see someone who is currently in the works?!
From those four questions, you can see why I am in trauma therapy. I am not disclosing anything of what has happened to me in my life in this post. What I am going to be talking about is why being a therapist who see’s a therapist has been helpful for me in my work.
I can be more present with People
Imagine this…. you’re in a session and someone starts to talk about something that is triggering for you. If you haven’t been in therapy or haven’t found the coping strategies along the way, attunement goes way out the window (for me at least).
This was me before. I won’t say that this happened often but there have been times when someone talked about something that was triggering for me. Nothing about them and all about me. Before trauma therapy, I would go home and feel exhausted. I needed support around me consistently in order to function and maintain a decent level of responsibility. I am very thankful for my partner during that time. Especially as a fresh on the scene therapist, I had so much acceptance that I needed to do for myself.
I can happily say that I do not go home most days and feel exhausted. I can complete responsibilities without an army of support carrying me throughout the experience. I can feel things in session and respond in a way that is helpful for me and the patient in the room.
I can make boundaries
Some clients may hate this about me. Before, the idea of putting up a boundary and not wanting to throw up was a long shot. A client could miss, and I would write-off the cancelation fee because that sounded awful to me.
If I put up a boundary, everyone will leave me!
That’s such a super unhelpful mindset for me! I feel “ick” thinking about what I was like pre-boundary making. Of course, a majority of this came from knowing the skills I teach to others and being in my own therapy to recognize that x led to y which is why z also relates to x or y. You can get the point!
I had to recognize that not putting up a boundary created a lot of misery for me and had honestly led to a lot of mistakes that also affected other people. I still might feel “icky” at times because I had 20 years of not making a boundary under my belt. But I am so much less miserable and I notice that I can feel my own self-respect as well as see how others respect me as well.
I can make more money
I know this is a sensitive subject for many people.
Therapist are helpers, not money makers!
To a degree, people are right. Most of us became therapist because we wanted to help others, not make an enormous amount of money. It would be hard for me not to recognize that trauma therapy has helped me make more money.
Previously, anymore than 18 people per week, I was floored. I one time went to 21 people per week and I had to quickly change that because after two weeks I was feeling horrible. I can now comfortably be at 20 people per week and not feel like the walls are going to collapse on top of me. I can write my notes more often and not have a backlog of notes. I can write my notes within the 24 hours they are required and that feels super good for me!
I also teach skills class and both boundary making and being able to have more people in the class because of my personal therapy has been extremely helpful. All of this allows me to be present with more people than before. Previously, I could only have 3-4 people in a skills class without feeling terrible. Now, I can get up to 7 people and still feel like I have some level of control available.
Having more money has helped me create more time for myself and my loved ones so I can build and maintain my relationships but all of this has contributed to my long-term goals as well.
I can be more authentic
I have never known myself to be a stale person. But prior to trauma therapy, I felt like a mask of a person. Someone who could match what other people wanted and not be who I am as a person. Sterling is a soft and gentle person who loves to make jokes and attune to people really well. Sterling also has anger which motivates him to want change. Sterling also is not an overly excited person. Sterling is me, I am Sterling.
Imagine taking on clients that do not meet your capabilities at the time. You want to keep that person on your caseload because you like that person, but you feel like you have no clue how you are going to help them. I have been in situations like that. I am not there now as I feel all of my clients align with what I can do therapeutically.
I now feel more confident about who I am as a person and that I have plenty of skills that are helpful for those that I can help. I do not need to help everyone, but I know I can deeply connect with and work with those who match my training and experience. I do not have to bend over backwards to help people and I can recognize when that urges creeps up and shows its pretty little face.
I am still going
I don’t think we sometimes think about how helpful therapy is when you find that right therapist. The therapist that gets you, pushes you, challenges you, and has the follow through that you need. I have such admiration for all of my therapists because they have helped me so much. I have done the work with them. I appreciate my current therapist so much because he embodies authenticity, allows a great deal of space for me to feel emotions, challenges me when the overcontrolled part shows, and has walked with me to this point in my life.
For anyone that is on the fence, especially therapist who are wanting to seek therapy for themselves, I fully encourage it. For anyone that has the emotion regulation capabilities and capacities, I fully encourage trauma therapy as it is a whole different experience than traditional talk therapy.
You’ve got this and I believe in you!
All of these rows of text have been talking about how therapy has been helpful for me as a therapist. It’s been such a catalyst for me, and I appreciate myself and my loved ones for my journey along the way.
If you are someone seeking therapy, I recommend talking with your medical professional, loved ones, and researching different therapist and different modalities that may work for you. There are plenty of resources out there if you are searching for them.