This is My Revival

I dive into the future, but I’m blinded by the Sun

I’m reborn in every moment, so who knows what I’ll become

-Selena Gomez, “Revival”, 2013.

Hello All,

A Revival is something that I feel a lot of people can relate to. The idea is, you have personal revelation within yourself or within a community of people. This is most applicable to a church scenario. But I believe that it can happen within us at any moment. I would like to talk about my personal revelation.

For awhile, for undisclosed reasons, I often felt very sad and I didn’t know why. I didn’t know why I felt nervous. I don’t know why I was nervous about everyone’s perception of me. I didn’t know why I felt like a “plastic bag, drifting through the wind” (Katy Perry). I don’t know why I felt these things. I mean, I have my suspicions, but I wonder if it was because I was hoping to blame someone else for something that maybe wasn’t their fault.

I had to realize recently that, while our social interactions do play a role on: how we feel, how we act, and what we believe; a lot of our thoughts and feelings do not have the be controlled by others.

I had to realize that, we ourselves, have the key to our thoughts, actions, and our heart; but we can allow someone to ruin that if we allow them too. Our hearts don’t come with skeleton keys that can open any heart, any person, and any topic. But what we can control, is how we feel about the situation. This was my revival.

I would say that anything and everything that someone said, had an impact on me. I wrote a draft of a 2018 summary and how I felt worthless from everything. But, throughout that whole post, I sat their and bashed everyone that had ever hurt me or made me feel like I couldn’t do anything.

But why did I focus on that, if it’s my personal year reflection? Why would I allow anyone to have control over such a personal post?

I really had to ponder that question for awhile. Then I realized, you can only allow people to have control over your emotions if you invest your emotions into them. Now, from that idea, I’m not saying that you should become a cold heart’ed individual who doesn’t care about anything but themselves. That’s not the idea I’m portraying.

The idea that I’m trying to portray is an idea of caring for one another, but not allowing others to take advantage of your emotions. Let’s act out a scene.

Let’s say that you are an individual that is on Tinder, and you’re looking for a great significant other. But all that you are finding are people that want to be friends or people that want to hookup with you and anybody they see. So you give up on humanity and delete the app for awhile. A month later, you download the app to see what happens. You match with an amazing person and they seem to be amazing. You go on a date and you realize that they aren’t the person you thought they could be. But in your heart, you believe that maybe it was a bad night. So you go on another three dates.

Eventually, you feel like you have committed too much time with each other that you decide that “yes, I guess we are a thing”. Later on, you come to your senses and understand that you are not happy and do not want to provide that person with empty love. But, you end up realizing that they are manipulative. There are scenarios where you can be afraid to hurt someone’s feelings or go with your heart. The best scenario is to almost always go with your heart, from my experiences. Yes, hurting someone sucks if they really like you, but your own personal happiness matters as well.

I used to think that my happiness was controlled by how other people felt. If someone felt great, then i should feel that way too. But I went through a scenario that showed me that I can’t be that way. all of the time.

It’s important to keep someone’s feelings in mind, but being mindful of your own feelings and knowing the best action is of the most extreme importance!

That was my revival. For 2019, I want to focus on how I feel about how I can make an impact on myself in respects to others, my family, and my community.

A moment of self care is necessary. A moment of love can be great. A moment of Justice is satisfying. But a moment of happiness is hard to come by. Be true to your self and love others within your comfort. Be the light that you want to be. Never let your light stop burning. Walk through the fire. Be your own Revival. Or be that flame for another.

Have a great year!

xoxo,

-Sterling T. Grissom