It's not regressing, it's a familiar you
Some people may be able to understand this…
You’ve been in therapy for awhile and you’re really doing some hard work but you notice that some familiar patterns are starting to show. You then start to worry a bit about falling into old patterns and “have I even made progress” and then you’re judging yourself from head to toe and wondering if anyone will ever love you and….. BREATHE
Maybe that isn’t you but it feels familiar to me. Well, I recently went through that.
I have some patterns that creep into my life:
Emotional Eating
Self-deprecating thoughts
Feeling tired more often than not
Noticing urges to avoid tasks and responsibilities
Difficulty maintaining adequate hygiene
Fantasizing about the future
That is me being super vulnerable. These things like to creep up in my life and many others including myself can start to notice emotions, actions, and thoughts that we normally do not like about ourselves. We may tend to put this time into categories with yellow caution tape. What I am here to say is, that’s not always the case.
I’ve been going through this recently. I noticed urges to emotionally eat to numb feelings, a lot of judgmental thoughts, more shame responses, and an urge to avoid things to find some level of comfort. There are a lot of vulnerability factors: it’s been super busy in my personal life, trauma therapy has opened up a few containers that I purposefully closed off, work has been stressful, and all of these things are requiring a lot of attention. (more attention and time that I do not actually have)
This is a frustrating experience! There is always a reframe though.
It’s not about the regression and all about the little “Friends” that need some attention.
While there are many vulnerability factors that would make me more likely to do behaviors I do not want to do; I need to acknowledge the things that need attention.
Trauma therapy has especially been difficult because I’m opening up about my trauma from 2018-2021. Lots of really bad relationships that hurt my trust a lot. I noticed these urges popping up after my last post. There were some things that were “in the soil” that I did not want to look at. I even shared this with my therapist today “there are things behind this door that I do not want to see because it’s really scary”. Very valid. But I pushed through it because I knew that some of these vulnerabilities are not controllable but this vulnerability of addressing hard stuff in trauma therapy is something I can control (to a degree). Sometimes a little part of me likes to throw me around a bit when I become too vulnerable.
Take time to notice the vulnerabilities you can control
It may seem too simple to believe but reducing vulnerabilities is really impactful. I categorize vulnerabilities as things that would make me more likely to do XYZ. There aren’t necessarily bad but I tend to notice the bad vulnerabilities. One thing I find as a therapist is the vulnerabilities are valid to have. One thing we sometimes tend to do is notice the wrong vulnerabilities. I discussed this with someone recently “it’s not about the chicken”.
“It’s not about the chicken” is a great little quote from my EMDR training where we may look at the things that are wrong and not realize all of the trauma and vulnerabilities that are there. Yes, you may be emotionally eating and we may look at that as the problem, but is there something “in the soil” that we are not looking at. It’s the public health perspective too. Do we give all of these children drinking from the well antibiotics or do we look at the well and wonder what’s going on in there making these kids sick (Burke-Harris, Nadine https://www.ted.com/talks/nadine_burke_harris_how_childhood_trauma_affects_health_across_a_lifetime?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare).
It’s in the Soil
—————————————————————————
What I want you all to notice is to think about the vulnerabilities that are affecting your life. Not the ones that I sometimes name like “my chair is too squeaky” or “the toast wasn’t toasty” or “but it’s been too rough of a day”. Notice the vulnerabilities like “I’m going through this in therapy and it would make since to be activated and want food” or “Work has been really tough and I do not have time to go to the grocery store”. These are the things we can try do work with and do something about. The little things make big impacts but look “behind the door” to check to see if there are any friends that need some attention. Speak to a professional or trusted loved one about the vulnerabilities you notice in your life. Make things actionable and helpful for you because you deserve helpful and healthy relief!
TLDR:
If you are noticing some thoughts like “I’m regressing” or “I haven’t made enough progress in therapy”, noticing the vulnerabilities that are affecting your life and take actionable steps to address those vulnerabilities. You are not regressing, you are noticing a familiar you and while that may seem like a small reframe, take time to address and find helpful and healthy ways to provide you with relief during these tough moments with a lot of vulnerabilities.