Not Enough?

Hello All!

Welcome back to another depressing week in the life of me, Sterling Grissom. It’s now fall and you know what that means? People become shut-ins. But I can’t complain, I partially become an individual that likes to stay inside too. But I can’t lie, it’s lonely.

I have recently felt lonely, for quite a majority of my days. It’s sort of like I all of a sudden realize how much of an extrovert I am. I try to talk to others and hang out with them, but they sort of don’t reply, don’t care enough, or don’t talk to me. Or maybe that’s what my brain is telling me. I have been really depressed from not being able to speak to many people. It’s like there were so many people in my life that I felt very happy. But, they sort of a left all of a sudden. In doing so, I can’t help but maybe think it’s my fault.

Am I an unlikable person? Am I touch much to handle? Is it something else? Or… am I just not enough? I wonder what is the best way to get that answer, because I know that most people aren’t honest enough to just say “yeah Sterling, you suck!” But I wonder if maybe I am horrible at communication, am I a boring individual, am I too much to handle, or am I not enough for people.

In thinking about if I am not enough for people, I often think about my physical appearance and take note of my weight.

If you look at my Spotify playlist and recently played tracks, you would see that my emotions have been all over the place. From playing songs like “Crush” from Tessa Violet, to “The Heart Wants What it Wants” by Selena Gomez, to “Liar” by Britney Spears. Maybe I’m being neurotic, but I feel that maybe I’m doing something wrong at all points. Also would you guys like to make a collaborative Spotify playlist? Comment below.

I guess, I just want things to go back to the way they were. To a time when I didn’t notice how good I had everything. Maybe people are busy right now, or maybe they just don’t feel like talking. But it hurts a bit. I guess, until I get an answer, I will continue to probably become anxious and depressed over whether or not a person likes me or not. Maybe I shouldn’t worry at all, but I do and I want to stop. So, I don’t know what the answer to that would be.

XoXo,

-Sterling T. Grissom